Working Again

WOW! has it been almost a month that I have blogged. It a busy time for me. I'll confess, I took my Adderall today so my brain is in that deep think mode. SO this maybe long blog-where I just babble about this struggle forever. School is back in session, and last week I put in 60 hours getting my room ready for my students. My babysitter, Ms. Gwen, I really should call her my guardian angel since that is who she really is, came with me to school for the first two days to get Soph used to her again. And when I dropped Ms. Gwen home, I cried and cried because I have to leave my baby again for the third year. The Lord and I have gone round and round why I can't be at home. I often wonder if missed an opportunity to be with her this school year because I keep dreaming about the school. I got a job at a Montessori school 50 miles away where Soph could go to toddler school with me and I would teach the pre-primary. How ever it was not practical- I have to pay half her tuition which would have cut my salary to a lot less than it is now, plus it is basically a two hour drive a day and gas is way to much but I wonder if I should have taken it because at least I would have been with Soph. I just wonder if that was God's way out for me. Is Gods' way always practical? But regardless, I am teaching again this year so I put my big girl pants on and deal! I met my students this Monday. They are wonderful-I do have three four-year old girls that remind me of the kittens who lost their mittens. And I have six boys and only three girls in my kindergarten group. They seem to be good group so far- although I hope the boys don't get to hyper. I have to say that if I must work- I absolutely love what I do. I love teaching these children. It fun to me to plan what lessons to do for them and I get excited about dancing with them at circle time, reading stories to them, "showing them all the love they have inside" like Whitney Houston told me to do. I think I feel that my heart is split right down the middle. All of me wants to be with Soph and be Suzy-
Homemaker and then half me looks forward to teaching and loving the children. That fraction does not make since but if you looked at my heart in fraction kinda form that is what you would see. I know that I have found my purpose though, meaning after my children are grown and are in college I am meant to teach small children. I know they see Jesus because they love me way to much for them to be loving me. After all my conversations with the Lord about this year and why I am back, the only reason i can muster up is He has someone, a parent, a teacher a child, to minister to this year. I pray I can obey and listen to the Lord in this task. So I will go to school with peace in my heart that He wants me their and my soph is well taken care of and where she is suppose to be in God's will here another year with Ms. Gwen. But I will pray, plead that the Lord will bless Michael ca rear so that I can be full- time Mama to my Soph and hopefully more babies. I would love who ever reads this to pray with me too. Thanks for reading.

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